


What's On My Mind?

by tmi



Category: Carry On - Fandom, Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 19:17:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16225598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmi/pseuds/tmi
Summary: Baz and Simon are happy, hopelessly in love, and could never be better. Except for the fact that Baz falls out of it, falls out of magic, and forgets everything past 2nd year.





	What's On My Mind?

**SIMON**

Soon after we graduate, Penny and I get an apartment. That apartment soon became Penny's, Baz's, and my apartment, which soon turned into Penny's, Baz's, Premal's, and my apartment, which very quickly turned into anyone's apartment. If all of Watford moved in at this point, I wouldn't be surprised. (Well, I would be surprised that they were able to get everyone here.) (But that's about it.)

Me and Penny don't mind, however, because they're all welcome to stay for as long as they like.

"But, staying for as long as you like is a polite greeting, not an invitation!" Penny grabs at her now blue hair. "It's been a month, Premal!"

"Where else would I go?"

"Mom and dad would be more than happy to keep you! They'd even kiss your shoes when you walk in!" Penny stomps out of our very tiny kitchen to our breakfast table and slams her hand down on it.

"Mom and dad have been too busy with everything. Did you forget mom's the new mage? Did you forget dad's out dealing with the old families?" Premal stands from our little white chair, which we got at IKEA. Baz liked the black ones, but it didn't fit our whole light theme. Pastel yellows, whites, light grays, etc. Black would be at the bottom of the theme list.

"I don't care! You're old, go get an apartment!"

"I'm sorry I worked for the Evil Mage- he didn't pay us anything!" The brother moved into the kitchen. When the Bunce's argue, they can't sit down or stay in one place. One time, Mr. and Mrs. Bunce argued so much, they'd scaled their entire home 3 times. Premal moved back towards the breakfast table.

"I'm sorry it's impossible for you to get a job!" Penelope sneered back, and blew her hair out of her face.

"Fine, I'll leave."

"Fine!"

"Fine!" Premal slammed the door behind him, and that was that. Back down to 3 people in this 2 bedroom apartment.

"Jeez, that guy seems completely different now that he's not in a position of power." Penelope jumped up onto our kitchen counter. "Now he's a bum."

"He's not a total bum-"

"No, Snow. He is." Penelope started to get in the habit of calling me Snow, ever since Baz decided to waltz in here. (So much for not rooming together after so many years.) He does get the grocery's and makes dinner every Tuesday and Thursday, though.

" _Simon_!" I remind her, and Penny smiles half-heartily. Ever since we got out of the magic world, everything seemed so... normal. No wonder people go to Watford as much as possible. The whole hide-away-and-let-no-one-know thing must be tiring. I know it was for me, for all those summers.

"Right. Simon." Penny leaned over to one side, and pushed her cheek down onto her shoulder.

"Hey, Penny?"

"Hm?"

"How much... Magic is in the air right now?" I ask hesitantly. Sometimes I ask that, just so I can revive that feeling. So I, just for a moment, can feel that well inside of me again, and let it wash over me. Just for a moment.

"Simon..." She starts to say. I lean onto the counter next to her.

"Penny."

"It's... enough. Like, when you're walking down in an emptied park, or in an antique shop. It doesn't fill you, but it flows. The magic in this apartment is... It's like..."

Baz uses **Open sesame** to open the door, with groceries in either hand.

"The magic in here is cold." Penny finishes.

Baz sees the tension in the air and changes from casual to formal. I see him straighten his shoulders and lower his eyelids, his gray eyes almost cooling in color. I've seen him do this whenever he sees anyone from the old families. Or anyone who isn't me and Penny, really.

"What's poppin'?" I say, forcing a lighter tone into the air. It dissolves in the silence.

"Please never, ever say that again." Baz grunts as he heaves all of the bags onto the counter. He quickly shoves them into cupboards and in the fridge, then turns towards us.

"Hey." Penny jumped off the counter. "I'm going to... study." She flips her frizzy hair and pulls herself into her room. The door slams behind her.

Baz stops, just for a moment. You can see him falter, a slight emotion in his eye, and then he straightens up and starts to get ready for dinner. He doesn't do that often, in fact, he doesn't do that ever. He never shows what he's feeling, unless it's love. Baz always lets that show through in his eyes. When I'm playing with his hair, or brushing my hand against his cheek, his eyes shine with love. It's a look I've ingrained in my mind forever. But that, whatever it was, wasn't something that usually happens.

"What's wrong?" I break the silence.

"Nothing, Snow."

Snow... He almost never calls me Snow when we're alone anymore.

"Baz, I-"

"I'm not-!" He twists his head and shoulders, and his eyes scream again, but they flicker out like a light bulb. He sighs, and lowers his voice. "I'm not... In the mood today."

"For what?" He's probably thinking something along the lines of 'That dimwhit. What do you think?'

**BAZ**

That dimwhit. What do you think I'm not in the mood for?

"For you, Snow. I'm not in the mood for you." I snarl, but it comes out way colder than I expected. Maybe that's a good thing.

"We don't have to... do it, tonight. If that's what your saying." I can almost feel his golden skin blush.

"No, idiot!" I practically throw myself around. "I'm not in the mood to be around you! I don't want to see you, I don't want to look at you, and I _certainly_ do not want to have sex with you!"

Okay, that was a little too cold.

I can see his jaw pop out, and his eyes falling. He gets in his fighting stance, and his hands are in the right position to summon his sword. But, he doesn't have that sword anymore.

"Then why are you here?" His voice is cold. I know he got that from being around me- that cool tone that doesn't show much emotion. His eyes are telling me all I need to know, though. He's confused, and angry. I don't know why, but I am, too.

"Old habits die hard."

**SIMON**

Old habits? What does he mean, old habits? Am _I_ the old habit? Is cooking dinner the old habit?

...This is why I don't like thinking. But Baz has forced me to think. Made me double check myself, and forced me to think about my actions. I guess being Normal has, too.

I walk out of the room. That's what my therapist told me-- when I feel like all I can do is fight, then flee. I close my bedroom door behind me and crawl into my bed.

What does he mean, old habits?

**BAZ**

Fuck.

What is this feeling? What is going on?

Ever since a week ago the magic in me is cold. Ever since Snow shot magic back into me after the Humdrum filled me with nothing, my magic has been nothing but warm. It was the feeling of fire. At first it was burning hot, feeling like it had burned everything inside me, but it soon became a warm feeling. It felt like a campfire instead of an open one. Using my magic felt like blood coursed through my body again, and it made me feel... alive. But, ever since a week ago, that flame blew out. I don't feel that warmth, I don't feel alive. And with that, I don't... feel.

When I look at Snow I don't feel that same warmth. I don't feel that spark that ignites the flame inside me. He doesn't warm my insides, and make me feel whole again. He makes me feel... colder.

I throw the noodles in boiling water and stir them around. I stare down at the hand stirring them. It's translucent-- so much so that you'd think it was cling wrap. One push and you could break through the skin. I quickly advert my eyes to the window. It's a cold day in November. Snow started an online program to get his GED (because technically he hasn't gotten it.) Penny took a gap year. She was originally going to go to college somewhere around here, but she was so overwhelmed she dropped out. She still hasn't told her parents.

I heat up some pre-packaged tomato sauce. I really don't feel like making dinner from scratch today. I then grab some paper plates and serve the spaghetti. But, the noodles seem really heavy. Are they made of steel? I set down one plate and reach for another. My arm feels heavy. It drops to my side, and soon I drop to the floor. I feel really light headed all of a sudden, and before I knew it, I was gone.

**SIMON**

I hear something drop to the floor. At first, I thought it was some pan or pot, but it was more of a THUD then a CLANG. I get up hurriedly, because if it wasn't a pan...

"Baz!" I yell, and practically sprint down to the kitchen. I see his pale face touching the white tile of the kitchen. I stare at him, because I feel like that's all I can do. Baz, my Basil, is he? No.

"P-Penny?" I say, but it's not loud enough. It was barely a whisper.

"Penny!" I scream, but it was more of a broken yell, like one a prepubescent boy would scream. I fall to my knees and lift his head onto my lap. My eyes tear up but I didn't feel like I could cry. I let them drop down from my cheeks and onto Baz's hair. I hear the footsteps coming closer, but it was clear she was in no rush.

"What- Oh my Marlin!" She skids by the breakfast table and sits down as fast as possible. She immediately starts chanting healing spells, even before her hand is over him. She closes her eyes in concentration. All I could do was stare.

**BAZ**  

" **Get well soon! Early to bed and early to rise!** " I hear someone yelling those words...

"Please, Baz... please..." Another speaks. I open my eyes, slowly, and see a bright light. Am I...?

"Get well soon!" A girl with blue hair and tacky glasses yells out again, with her hand over me. Just what...?

That's when I realize. I look over and see him.

Simon bloody Snow. "The orphan?" I mumble, rubbing my eyes and making sure it isn't true.

"Orphan? Yes!" Snow smiles with his fucking perfect teeth. "It's me!"

"And... his sidekick." I look over to tacky glasses and see she's staring at me with confusion and suspicion.

"Yeah..." She mumbles, her hand already to her chin in thought.

"Where am I?" I slowly heave myself up into a sitting position, though my head aches and I wish I could go right back down.

"Um... the apartment?" Snow looks worried. I don't know what about, but if I caused it, fantastic.

"Wow, that _really_ clears it up for me." I respond, drenched in sarcasm. I pull out my wand and get up in one swift motion. "I'll ask again- where have you taken me to, Snow?"

"You came here! Willingly!" Snow's eyes glow with confusion. Maybe he'll go off again.

"Wait." The frizzy haired goon stands and wipes off her skirt. She isn't in uniform, however. Neither is Snow... And, neither am I?

**PENELOPE**

Great. Just great. Fantastic! Amazing!

"He lost his memory!" I say, exasperatingly.

 


End file.
